I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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