It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
