Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
