I just cut my nipple shaving
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
