what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
