tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
