i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
