If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
