Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
