You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
