Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
