I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
