I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
