Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
