If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
