but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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