Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to calm my uterus...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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