well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
