I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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