He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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