I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
