everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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