Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
