you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
