Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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