why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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