Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
