dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
