i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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