im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
