So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
