I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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