i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
