She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Congratulations! We have a period
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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