oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
