Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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