Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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