I am puke
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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