Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
