Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
