True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize