Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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