its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
