Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize
