PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
