Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
