you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
