OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
