Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
