nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
