I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
