At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
