Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
