Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
