thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
