We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
