Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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