It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
