I'm going to jail i love you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
