he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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