u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Randomize
