dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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