Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i came on her dog
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
