break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
