I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
