just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
