Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
