Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
