You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
