How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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