idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
