whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
