false alarm. still invincible.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
