My room smells like vodka and shame
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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