I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
